How Not To Break Into A Car
The likelihood of catching a criminal breaking into your car must be somewhere in the same neighborhood as the odds of winning the lottery. Although holding that giant lottery check can sure be fun, catching a couple of scumbags after they break into your car, as they say, “priceless!”
If it were not for a blog design project I am currently working on I would have been in the land of a 1000 zzzzzs and would have missed all the fun at 4 am this morning. Picture a quiet house, your wife asleep, your kids sleeping soundly, dogs and cats living in peace and then…
KABAM!
Can you imagine how your heart will jump out of your chest at 4 am because of the sound of a lawn chair being thrown at your front door? In this situation you might have done what I did…
- Check to make sure you were not just shot
- Thank your mother because you still have on clean underwear
- Check the peep hole before you open the door to make sure Fred Thompson is not there
- Find something that can bash, smash, stab, and/or slash the a-hole
Who throws a lawn chair at someone’s door at 4 am in the morning? The same kind of person who would take the ice cube trays out of the freezer after a breakup thats who.
Armed with my trusty Forever Sharp™ Surgical Stainless Steel knife (that’s right I don’t play around) I headed out the front door to hunt down the sorry SOB. 20 minutes later I abandoned the search for the lawn chair bandit and went back in the house to patiently wait for the stink fingered bastard to strike again.
Don’t mess with an insomniac who just had a chair thrown at his door
Just like Lee Majors (the $5 gazillion man) my hearing had heightened to super human levels, I could have heard a flea fart. Was that the sound of a snakes belly sliding through the grass or was it the footsteps of the lawn chair chucker? I opened the door again and quietly made my way to the edge of the porch.
And what to my sleep ridden eyes did appear, but two teenage boys wearing swimming gear. I’m no expert on fashion but I am fairly sure there has to be a guideline somewhere in the Breaking Into Cars for Dummies© handbook that says wearing a bathing suit at 5 am to go break into cars will result in your immediate expulsion from the Oklahoma chapter of the Automobile Criminals Larceny Union. The teenager that reached for my car door handle seemed a little shocked when I told him to get the hell away from my car. He mumbled something, I said something back…skip forward…I see my glove box open and everything that was neatly crammed in there on the floor of my car. I call cops, criminals in training say they didn’t do anything (must have been the guys that broke into my car right before they decided to walk by my car stop and then reach for the door handle while having his friend look around for no reason at all.)
After the police tasered confessions out of them (just kidding), after the police questioned the vagrants they gave up one another and hopefully added two very important chapters to the story of their lives. Crime does not pay and people that own old paid off cars with doors that won’t lock don’t keep valuables in the glove box.
Ever caught someone in the process of committing a crime?
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kender
what the hell was the lawn chair at the door about anyway?
June 7th, 2007 at 12:01 pmWild Bill
I’m not sure if the future car burglars threw the lawn chair or whether it was a neighbor that doesn’t like me. I’m a fairly good investigator so I will find out the lawn chair chucker’s indenity. :blink:
June 7th, 2007 at 12:29 pmBJKerr aka(InuYasha)
what a bastard that kid and person that hit the door with the chair will pay!
June 7th, 2007 at 12:30 pm:devil:
BJKerr aka(InuYasha)
And also I should know about the old knock on the door and run
June 7th, 2007 at 12:32 pm:ninja:
BJKerr aka(InuYasha)
What A douche bag
June 7th, 2007 at 12:37 pm:ninja: :devil:
Smokey
So far the only crime I have prevented is when some ABSOLUTE GENIUS tried to steal my lawn mower by riding it out of the front yard. Now, to normal people, a riding lawn mower, sitting in the front yard, surrounded by UN MOWED GRASS normally signifies that the tractor is busted, but this GENIUS tried for FORTY FIVE MINUTES to get it running. At that point I was tired, so I called the cops and he went away.
June 7th, 2007 at 3:42 pmRoy
That’s pretty funny. Good job on catching those punks.
I recently bought an airsoft version of an mp5 that shoots 280fps.. Cant wait to try it out on some hoodlums. ;p
June 7th, 2007 at 4:40 pmShadowFox
Wow, these guys are not quite up to the level of Mission Impossible there. I’m surprised they didn’t try to run before the police showed up. Haven’t caught anyone in the commission of a crime here but I have once stepped out of my apartment and saw across the atrium about 7 cops with weapons drawn about to break in a door. Needless to say, I turned around and went back into my apartment.
The defensive arrangements here at SF Land are a multi-tiered arrangement. The first line of defensive is to call in the Negotiator. That’s the name written on the side of a worn wooden bat beside my comp. Second depending on the perceived threat is my NCO sword and yes, it is sharpened. Third if the situation should call for it is my K-Bar. That puppy is sharp enough to cut fingers off without so much as slowing down. Lastly is another sword I keep beside my bed should a home invader come calling in the middle of the night.
June 7th, 2007 at 7:52 pmWild Bill
That’s the spirit Roy! Them damn dirty looters are getting on my last nerve. Would love to see a reality show where law abiding citizens get to beat shady thugs a like piñata until crook candy falls out.
June 7th, 2007 at 11:42 pmWild Bill
They didn’t run ShadowFox because I scared the pee pee dribble down their legs. They were afraid they might drown in their river of leak.
Look pee pee dots → :face: :face: :face:
June 7th, 2007 at 11:45 pm