How to build a NUKE!
So one of your friends has a nuclear weapon and you want one too, or you are a spoiled crazy dictator with everything money can buy but you don’t have a nuke yet, or you want to threaten another nation so that you can put a little green in your pocket, what do you do if you can not get your hands on any WMDs through the black market? Well you can always build a NUKE yourself! The BBC has your step-by-step guide to allow you to TERRORIZE the world!
From atom to bomb What does it take to make a nuclear weapon?
Now that you have your, “Yellow Cake Mix” now all you need is, milk, eggs, and frosting and you will have one hell of a party treat, yum! What you can’t get your hands on any yellow cake mix from Niger? Then why not make it your self with your own handy Heavy Water Nuclear Reactor! Make sure you tell your friends that the only reason you have a Nuclear Reactor in your backyard is that you are only using it for power not WMDs.
1. Reactor core 2. Coolant pump 3. Fuel rods 4. Steam generator 5. Steam pumped to turbine, which generates electricity 6. Containment building
Now that you have your very own Nuclear Power Plant, the real fun begins! It’s time for party games like Truth or Dare; Hide and Seek; and Pin the Tail on the JackASS! Wasn’t that fun? When your friends ask if you are building a NUKE tell them the TRUTH, No! When your friends say they have proof DARE them to prove you have WMDs. If they provide you with the proof well then play some Hide and Seek and hope they don’t find them. If you can trick your friends long enough to actually build a NUKE, then you will be the winner and you can Pin the Tail on your JackASS friend.
Next, you will need to turn those pesky little fuel rods into sweet sweet weapons grade material. Time to get a few thousand Gas centrifuges.
Nothing says NUKE PARTY like a Gas centrifuge!
Why buy one Gas centrifuge when you can buy 3000? Having a hard time finding a couple of Gas centrifuges? Why not call up these friends (China, Germany, Japan, Netherlands, Pakistan, Russia, North Korea, and Iran) and see if they have one lying around they could sell you! Now comes the real fun; lets build a bomb!
Uranium Bomb?
orPlutonium Bomb?
Uranium Bombs are fun, but Plutonium is bigger and better. Now that you have a NUKE there is only one thing left to do, TEST THAT BAD BOY!
There is no better way to end a party than with fireworks and now that you have the biggest fireworks of all, why not show the world? Let’s just hope that no one comes to crash the party.
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ALa
WB: Be careful that your humor isn’t misinterpreted and you wind up on some watch-list!
September 12th, 2004 at 2:17 pmAre we cool again? LOL…
Wild Bill
We are cool, I got dupped by a lib pretending to be you. Sorry it wont happen again.
September 12th, 2004 at 2:45 pmNick D.
Nice. That’s most likely what’s going throught Kim Jong’s little brain right now.
September 12th, 2004 at 5:35 pmSouth Yarra Steve
This post has been removed by the author.
September 13th, 2004 at 4:09 pmSouth Yarra Steve
Sorry - Bill do you ever think about what you have written? You are talking about something to kill millions of innocent people. And by the way - the reality check is that the USA is the place that has more nuclear bombs than anyone else!! But then again - I forgot - you don’t give a shit! SO MUCH FOR PEACE!!
September 13th, 2004 at 4:11 pmWild Bill
South Yarra Steve,
Do you ever think about what you write? I thought we were Mates! What peace? We are in a war. Also, do you think I do not know America has more nuclear bombs than anyone else, so what? What the hell does that have to do with anything? I do give a shit; do you give a shit about anything enough that you would fight? Do you have a sense of humor? There is not one person on the face of the world that could learn to build a bomb after reading that post.
September 13th, 2004 at 4:24 pmSouth Yarra Steve
Hey Billy - we are mates - that is what it is all about - being mates - you can say anything you like and the other person is mature enough to understand that - ‘YES, South Yarra Steve, I am being an F.WIT’ - but… and here is the first difference… you do not want to build a Nuclear Bomb and blow the crap out of him - and here is where we are different AGAIN!!!!- we would then shake hands, grab a few coldies and then go and do something like fishing! One day … I know I am going to win old boy!! This is war! Cheers Steve
September 13th, 2004 at 4:46 pmWild Bill
I like the way you fight Steve. With both of us fighting the WAR ON TERROR in our own way we are sure to win. Have a cold one for me too Mate!
September 13th, 2004 at 5:43 pmKathy
he he he, has the fbi or secret service been to your door yet ?? I worked in a nuke plant..lol, they actually give details about it in one of our nations better plants, they closed the visitors center after 9/11 !! AND security is everywhere, cant even show a friend an older one where I worked cuz they block you now.
March 14th, 2007 at 9:15 pmOsoma
thanks for the sweet info now i can blow up the rest of america also i will spear your city for giving my the instrutions.
May 24th, 2007 at 10:59 amGoldenboy
Thanks for the info. And if the people looking this information up are as literate as Osoma, we have no worries.
June 24th, 2007 at 5:40 pmI just hope he doesn’t spear your city for giving him the instrutions, it’s hard to fix a spear hole in your city.
m59
There is no chance of anyone doing anything bad with this information.
It is highly unlikely you would get to use the yellowcake before it killed you. Impossible, in fact. You don’t have the proper equipment. It is a lot heavier than it looks.
If you see yellowcake, leave the area immediately, and remember TIME, DISTANCE and SHIELDING.
December 7th, 2007 at 10:56 pmDeath
Are you guys insane? If the government finds out about this post you will be… silenced…If you know what I mean X(
February 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pmDerek
hooray for bomb building. in all honesty im here for the sake of becoming informed on the workings of a nuke so that i can make such an elaborate and well worded description of the construction of a nuke after saying “I hate you enough to go to my house and start to mix up a batch of yellow cake mix…” and so on.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:34 am