Jack Bauer To Torture Viewers By Going Green - 24 Reasons To Never Watch 24 Again

Some people think Global Warming is destroying the world. I think environmental wackos are destroying happiness as we know it. Their newest target, the TV show 24.

Saving the world from evil terrorists is a waste of time according to the global warming crowd. Jack Bauer should use his world saving powers to convince earth destroying business owners and evil Republicons to change their light bulbs and their evil ways. The Washington Post reports :

Jack Bauer’s Next Mission: Fighting Global Warming

From “An Inconvenient Truth” to popularizing the Prius, Hollywood has helped lead the way on some environmental issues. One of the latest initiatives: Cool Change, Fox’s company-wide program to reduce the network’s impact on global warming. As part of that effort, the seventh season of “24″ will take steps to reduce and offset the carbon emissions from the show’s production, with the goal of having the season finale be entirely carbon-neutral.

It may sound like a publicity stunt, but Fox spokesman Chris Anderson says the network isn’t after bigger ratings. “We are publicizing ’24’s’ commitment to climate change for two reasons and two reasons only: to inspire the public to take global warming seriously and hopefully to motivate other studios to make changes to their production practices as well,” he says. (link)

During an interrogation interview with Passionate America Fox global warming tool Chris Anderson admitted to a third reason why 24 is going green,

“Ok I’ll talk, just stop using common sense arguments to prove me wrong. The real reason we are going green is we can make a lot of money selling compact florescent light bulbs, gay little Toyota Prius cars, carbon offsets, and everybody knows if you can get the people in America to believe this man-made global warming BS then we can control their minds and trick them into buying all kinds of worthless stuff! Oh and we want to see if we can take one of the highest rated shows in TV history (24), totally destroy its ratings, and get out of our contracts.”

Mr. Anderson gave us a sneak peek at one of the new promotional posters for 24’s next season. We have also complied a list of 24 reasons to never watch 24 again. Check it out!

Passionate America exclusive sneak peak at season 7 “24″ poster

24 Reasons To Never Watch 24 Again

1. Jack is going to start wearing a Che shirt
2. CTU black SUV fleet to be replaced with green Toyota Prius
3. Agents will no longer be able to shoot terrorists, they must first use diplomacy to find out why the terrorists hate us.
4. All light bulbs at CTU will be replaced with compact florescent bulbs.
5. CTU’s computers will be replaced with Apple computers.
6. 3 CTU agents will die in the first 5 minutes of the season premier because they cannot figure out how to make a phone call on there new iPhones.
7. Rumor has it Al Gore will replace President AlState Jr. as the president.
8. Jack will no longer torture suspects.
9. Chloe O’Brian quits CTU and joins a commune, where she becomes even more unattractive.
10. The new director for CTU will be Michael Moore.
11. No baby seals, polar bears, or innocent civilians will be killed during the making of the show.
12. Authority for decisions on the show will be turned over to the UN.
13. Thanks to Sheryl Crow the cast will only be able to use one sheet of toilet paper while onset.
14. The season will be edited from a KOS Kidz parent’s basement.
15. The CTU SWAT team will now be wearing tin foil helmets.
16. The first 4 episodes will be about CTU employees struggles to unionize.
17. The ACLU must be notified to make sure no terrorists civil liberties to kill innocent Americans are violated.
18. All pasts attempts to destroy America and the world will be discovered to be a plot of the evil joooooooos.
19. The famous phone ring tone will be replaced with the sound of crazy liberal anti-war protesters beating on plastic buckets.
20. Jack’s new nickname will be McGreeny.
21. In episode 5, it will be discovered that cow farts are destroying the planet. The problem will be solve in an operation called, “Operation, bovine butt plug!”
22. CTU’s secret location will be compromised when terrorists discover that the building with 15 wind power turbines is CTU.
23. All terrorist escape during high speed pursuits because agents are required to drive the speed limit to conserve gas.

And the biggest reason to NEVER watch 24 again

24. From now on the show will suck!!!

Do you have any other reasons why the next season of 24 will suck?