You Should Feel Guilty Evil Rich Monger®

You dirty Evil Rich Monger®!!! You should feel so guilty for being such a wealthmonger™. Your selfish hard work and money hording is keeping the rest of the world poor, POOR I TELL YOU! Shame on you. I checked to see how much food I steal out of the mouths of the children of the world at the Global Rich List website. Here is how evil I am according to the Global Rich List:

Here are some facts that the rest of you selfish poor people haters should know:

All you have to do is make a choice.

$8 could buy you 15 organic apples OR 25 fruit trees for farmers in Honduras to grow and sell fruit at their local market.

Or for $8 a month I could save it in a giant pickle jar till I am 65 and have $3,168 that I could blow on booze, sluts, and slots in Vegas at my retirement party.

$30 could buy you an ER DVD Boxset OR a First Aid kit for a village in Haiti.

I don’t like ER, House is much better. If the villagers in Haiti go to school they could study medicine and administer first aid to their own people for free. Just an idea.

$73 could buy you a new mobile phone OR a new mobile health clinic to care for AIDS orphans in Uganda.

$73 dollars could buy FIAR, Fmragtops, and I 29lbs of BACON®!!!

$2400 could buy you a second generation High Definition TV OR schooling for an entire generation of school children in an Angolan village.

I could get my very own illegal alien for $2400, hell I could probably get 2! Then I wont have to clean, cook, or mow the lawn.

Something must be wrong with me I don’t feel guilty about being so rich. I keep hearing dying poor people crying out before they starve to death, “money is the root of all EVIL!” If that is so, then why do they keep telling me that they want my money. I was trying to do them a favor and keep the EVIL DOLLAR away from them. I would hate for them to feel guilty while they are swatting the flies out of their eyes. I do what I can.